i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
