Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
