In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
