i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
