y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
