How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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