jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
