You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
