On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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