u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
