Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
