It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am one with the molecules
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
