I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
