Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
