i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
