I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
