can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
