am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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