If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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