My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
