wat bout pragnant strippers??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
