Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
