and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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