i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
