Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
