last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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