Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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