just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
