i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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