remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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