ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
