So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
