Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
