were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
