Me too!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
