you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
