I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
