my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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