:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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