I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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