Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
