Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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