dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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