apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
