and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Terrible idea I love it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
