i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
