They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
