i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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