I looked at my own cervix.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
