Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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