Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
