My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
