Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
