just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
