His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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