i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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