real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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